I am always horrified and somewhat amused at how we (I) become overcommitted. It happens to me far too often and there are a couple of really simple reasons why. While the reasons may be easily understood, they are not nearly as easy to control.
Popular Reasons We Overcommit
First, saying yes is very easy. Saying no is very hard. There really isn’t any middle ground. If someone attempts to get you to commit to something, anything, there are only two different responses: No and Yes. Saying anything but NO! is hard because it is uncomfortable. Saying yes validates the person asking for help while saying no is a rejection of that person. This is a very easy motivation to understand. It takes a lot of courage and strength to say no but far too often, we waffle. We say maybe. Or we say ask me tomorrow. Anything but a No answer is a Yes answer. Eventually, you will have to either deliver or have yet another uncomfortable conversation which will again lead to Yes or No because the person asking isn’t likely to forget that you said maybe (yes). Until you say a firm no, it is a yes.
Second, we have to pull our own weight, even if you are already towing a tanker behind you. Not everyone is inflicted with this terrible disease. I am sure you have met those that are more than willing to let you shoulder their burden and your own. However, those people are not the target of this post. This is another of the uncomfortable reasons we are overcommitted. We have a hard time admitting to ourselves that we have enough on our shoulders. We just have to keep picking up the slack until we are crushed or we just throw everything on the ground and say no more.
Third, we are afraid. Before you laugh, please understand what I mean. No one is going to say ‘Hey, I should pick up that boulder so I don’t reach my goals’. No, our minds are far too sophisticated for that. Instead, subconsciously, our minds are protecting us from that crushing feeling of failure and from knowing that despite our best intentions and our best effort we simply failed to accomplish the goals we had set for ourselves. This protection allows us to blame anything or anyone other than ourselves for the failure.
How To Avoid Overcommitting
There are several tactics that you can employ to get out of the dreadful state of overcommitment. First, you have to recognize the signs that you are overcommitted and those signs will not be the same for everyone. You may be spending more time working but achieving less. This may be caused by juggling too many balls or feeling overwhelmed. You may be sacrificing exercise or sleep to achieve just a bit more. This is a ridiculous state to be in. You cannot cheat yourself when it comes to exercise and sleep. Eventually, you must pay the piper. The key is to recognize when you are overcommitted and then take steps to relieve the burden. When you become aware that you are overcommitted, then your answer for any request should be no. This takes a mountain of strength and courage but this should be a safe thing to do at any reasonable place of employment, even if it is for yourself.
You must know what is important to you. If nothing is important, everything is important. You have to really know what your goals and dreams are before you can start saying no to frivolous and wasteful activities. Doing so can be so life-changing for many people because it brings a clarity you can’t reach in any other way. Knowing what you want and understanding what you are truly responsible for shifts your mindset into something far better than the normal chaos.
Another tactic is that you must understand that by being overcommitted, you aren’t doing anyone any favors. Every project we take on and every task we perform should be important enough that we devote 100% of our time, effort, and care to. Instead of being the hero for overcommitting ourselves, it would be far better if we were publicly shamed.
Conclusion
This is a very important topic for me right now as it usually is this time of year. We are in the last quarter of the year. Projects are wrapping up. Planning is underway for next year. The holidays are coming. There are a thousand things that have to be done by the end of the year and I know I am not alone in wanting to bring in the next year with a bang. I do not want to start next year burnt out from this year.